Posts Tagged ‘ritalin’

A good friend said that to me yesterday, and I’m thanking him for that reminder. 

Just getting back from volunteering at Sundance (which requires way too much energy to write about now!), getting back to my “real” life, I realize I’ve been in a bit of a funk for far too long now. I talked myself into believing I had ADD, but Ritalin is definitely not the answer for me. I think it made things worse. Lacking health insurance or funds to experiment with psychopharmacology, I’m going back to the basics. Meditation. And good old cleansing.

I started the master cleanse again today. I guess this is about the fourth or fifth time I’ve attempted to do it in the past couple of years. No coffee, no food. Just about a half gallon of the spicy organic lemonade (lemon juice, grade b maple syrup, cayenne pepper, water), lots more water, and some herbal tea. I passed out mid-day, probably due to the lack of caffeine. Getting off coffee isn’t proving to be so bad this time! I didn’t get a devastating headache. And I’m not feeling super-starved like I usually do. 

The hardest thing has been the emotions. So much is surfacing. And that’s where the meditation is helping. Whenever I get overwhelmed by emotion, I sit and breathe and make my way back to a place of non-judgement, love, and connection. It only takes a few minutes, or a couple of rounds of alternate nostril breathing. And I’m okay.

My intention for this cleanse is to get back to a state of equilibrium.  I just want to get back to my normal state and see what that is. Without coffee, without alcohol, without mood elevators or stabilizers. I know they work for some people, and i respect that. I can’t do that right now, for better or worse. 

The longest I’ve made it on the cleanse is 8 days.  I’m not attached to being on it any length of time.  What I want is to feel better. And using meditation as my crutch feels like the right approach.  I’ve taken at least six meditation breaks today.  

Meditation for me is so many things. Sometimes it’s just sitting still, and watching. Noticing what arises, what I say to myself.  Noticing the thought patterns and learning from them. Sometimes it’s using breath to release emotions.  Sometimes it’s repeating a mantra. Sometimes it’s consciously trying to empty my mind of any thought, gazing toward my third eye, and literally seeing what arises.

So far, finishing day one of the cleanse, I feel a little weak and slightly hungry, but it seems like the fog is lifting. I’m doing gentle asana to get energy moving. and letting myself rest a lot. 

I wonder how this will turn out.

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